Fighting Uphill....

Getting a child diagnosed with anything within the realm of mental health is very very very hard. Its hard to say how I knew what was wrong with my son, but somehow I did.

The first group of specialists to look at him, at 2 years of age, told me that he was simply impulsive. As time wore on, and he got more frustrated and violent, I decided to seek further help.

The doctor that saw him, and continues to see him, did not give him the diagnosis, but a rather broad all encompassing one that can change and become more focused at any time. PDD - NOS at least will get him the support and help that he will need to begin school successfully, and go out into the world with ways to cope with the differences between him and the others of the world.

~ Kaida ~

Coping

I have alot of bad days being in the chaotic life I live. I forget things by the handfuls in order to remember even more handfuls of things. I get grouchy, just like the rest of the world, and sometime I get down. I have a code for days like these, they are my "I Can't Cope Days". My close friends and family know that these words mean that something is not going right today, and please try to help out. Usually it turns things around, but sometimes, I have to wait until the house is silent in slumber before I can finally sit and laugh at the spilled drinks, crushed crackers, goofy looking temper tantrums and even the scrapes, bumps and bruises that I have incured.

It is also at this time that I can reflect on the gifts that I have recieved by being the wife and mother of autistics. I then realize that I would not trade spots with anyone, for anything.

~ Kaida ~

How I knew...

The downside to high funtioning autism is that it is so easy to write those who suffer from it off as lazy. Why they cannot clean up large messes, keep track of everything and still keep thier desk/room clean, may give those around them the feeling that they just dont care to work. If you listen and pay close attention, however, it is easy to tell if a person is simply lazy, or if they are overwhelmed, as my husband and son usually are.

The extreme literal nature of the autistic mind has made it so that I am very careful about how and what I say. While "pick up the living room" means something quite different that "put all the toys in the living room in your toybox", I have to choose my words carefully. When asked what comes to mind when the first is said, both my husband and son simply state that they are not stron enough to "pick up" the living room. This in itself may seem like a snide answer, but if you are there and see the sinserity in their eyes....

Most of the time, if I am not extremely explicit in my instructions, these two cannot put two and two together. Stating that it is noon and I am hungry does not imply that it is lunch time.

Figures of speech are out, as sarcasm often escapes them as well. For instance...

I once told my husband and son that our friend, who had fallen asleep on the couch, was "snoring up a storm". My son fought sleep for the next month, telling me that if he sleeps, he might snore, and if he snores, the storm will come. I learned what not to say after that episode.

While directions and word choice still give me problems at times, I have come a long way in being able to get things done by being more detailed about things. In fact, things are now going fairly smooth!

~ Kaida ~

An Autistic Morning....

Recently, my husband started a first shift job. He fools with the sleeping schedule, so he can maximize his good feelings during the day...

This morning he got too much, or too little, (which I am not sure) and he woke up on the very wrong side of the bed. From the moment my eyes opened I was bombarded with "I cant do this", "I hate first shift", and "I'm done". All I could do in reply was to provide moral support, and let him know that I believed in him and that he could do it. By the afternoon, he was indeed ok.

On my way home, I stopped to pick up breakfast at McDonald's. My normal order is four sausage biscuits. Today, however, a bacon and egg sandwich found its way into my lone bag. Now, in a normal situation such as this, the upgrade would be welcome. In my house, however, a battle soon ensued.

I long ago learned to pick my battles, and so when my son saw that there was a differing sandwich in the bag, he wanted it right off the bat. He sat with it in his hands for more than five minutes, when he decided he wanted his normal one. The routine here continued for more than two hours. I could do nothing more than sit and watch as he sat with a sandwich for a while, ran to the fridge and exchanged it, and performed the same ritual with the other sandwich. In the end, he didn't eat breakfast.

When all was said and done, all I could do was turn to my roommate and say, "This was definitely an autistic morning."

~ Kaida ~

Realization, and its ensuing battle...

By twenty years old, I had been married for two years. Things had not always been simple, or smooth, but we got along. It seemed that whenever one of us was ready to give up, the other threw in the extra effort to keep us together. I loved him, and though I wasn't entirely aware of what I had gotten into, I knew that this would be a long hard road.

In April of that year, while living with my mother, I became the instant mother of two children. Born on April 19th, the day before Easter that year, Connor and Makenna came into the world guided by the skilled hands of a team of doctors and nurses who were all standing by in the C-Section room. There must have been twenty people in the room, but I was already under the influence of both adrenaline and pain medication, so to me, the world simply was.

I suffered a horrible case of the post pardem blues. Not only did I not seem to care about much, but I failed to notice the differences between the two children early on. Looking back, I can pinpoint many things that I might have seen earlier. For example, Connor seemed to cry incessantly. The doctors tried switching his formulas, running tests, the whole works, but in the end they could find nothing wrong, nor anything that could appease him. While he found some happiness in playing with his feet, it was not until he could move on his own that the crying settled down. Once he could move, Connor found freedom exploring places where no one was. There was little I could do to curtail this, as playpen time frustrated him greatly, so I simply kept my eyes on him and let him wander.

This would prove to be the first of many battles in a very long war...

Asperger's Disorder, and My Husband

When you meet my husband, you may feel like you are meeting a normal, however eccentric, person. If you spend any time at our home, however, your view can quickly change. To those who come into our home, there are some things that they may never understand. These things vary from the handling of chores to the way things function here. Living and being in this house is like walking into another realm.

As a child my husband was diagnosed with severe ADHD. New research has provided him and I with a better explaination, however. Asperger's disorder, a form of high functioning autism, seems alot like ADHD. The differences, however subtle at times, are somewhat difficult to exist with. As time moves on, it has become apparent that ADHD is not the right diagnosis, and thus, Asperger's was looked into. Now at this point in time, it is a working diagnosis, but the symptoms are nearly unmistakeable. Dealing with them is like moving mountains some days, but the rewards are also mind blowing.

Over the course of this blog I will share the pitfalls and mountain tops that I experience, in the hopes of bringing someone closer to understanding.

~ Kaida ~

A Brief Introduction.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Kaida, and I am the wife of an autistic husband, and the mother of an autistic son. Life in my house is far from the normal lives that many families share. There is always a battle looming on the edge of the proverbial horizon, and it is my job to prevent it. While many things continue to be as in normal families, such as chores, there is so much more to be done in this family. For example, there is at least two or three doctor appointments per week, sometimes there are as many as seven or eight. There is work schedules, dinners, social outings and family get togethers. Being that autistic people deal so hard with social situations, anything dealing with other people has to be handled a very specific way. And of course, when I get home, there are still chores, cleaning, and in my case, homework to be done. Many times I find myself in an "I cant cope" state of mind. Im still learning to deal with these situations, but patience is key, and I know that these times will pass.

I am writing this blog not only to keep record of the journey and experiences that come as a member of this special family, but also to provide any insight or help that I can to those out there who are in similar situations. There are so many spouses of autistic people that will never know what to do or how to handle things, and likewise, parents of autistic children will find not only a diagnosis hard, but perhaps devastating. The most important thing to remember here is that it is not anyone's fault, but it is your decision on how you will handle the situation as a person who can make or break things. Ive come to realize that for some reason, God has decided to place this responsibility on me. I dont feel that I can handle it at all times, but maybe that is why I am in the thick of it. A long time ago I made the decision to stick with it, and to that decision I stay.